By The BTS Communications Interns
The steps of Alcoholics Anonymous need a remix. The principles are good, but the syntax is outdated and I can’t shake my booty to the 4th step—now I can. And you can too. Here are the twelve steps, as outlined in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, rewritten by our spiritually competent and musically inclined team at BTS Communications
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
Song: Ke$ha – Tik Tok
Before I leave,
brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
‘Cause when I leave for the night,
I ain’t coming back
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Song: Madonna – Like A Virgin
I made it through the wilderness,
Somehow I made it through
Didn’t know how lost I was,
Until I found you
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Song: Backstreet Boys, Hey Mr. DJ (Keep Playin’ That Song)
I couldn’t help the way I stared
There was some mysterious force
Leading me here to you
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Song: Santa Clause is Coming to Town
He’s making a list,
Checking it twice;
Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Song: Usher – Confessions
These are my confessions,
Just when I thought I said all I could say
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Song: Blink 182 – What’s My Age Again?
Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And you still act like you’re in Freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Song: Johnny Cash – Ball and Chain
I’m lonely and I’m tired
And I can’t take any more pain
Take away, take away
Never to return again
Take away, take away
Take away this ball and chain
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Song: Duran Duran – Hungry Like The Wolf
I’m on the hunt I’m after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wineAnd I’m hungry like the wolf
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Song: Outkast – Ms. Jackson
I’m sorry Ms. Jackson (oh)
I am for real
Never meant to make your daughter cry,
I apologize a trillion times
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Song: Billy Joel – You May be Right
It’s too late to fight
It’s too late to change me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Song: The Beatles – With A Little Help From My Friends
What do you see when you turn out the light?
I can’t tell you but I know it’s mine
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Song: Marvin Gaye – Ain’t No Mountain High Enough
You could always count on me
From that day on I made a vow
I’ll be there when you want me
Some way, some how