A Mother Worries…….

Jeff Hewitt

My most heart-felt inspiration is my mother April, but to understand my mother, you must first know how addiction has torn through her life. My father developed a heavy dependence on crack cocaine and methamphetamine, needless to say, the thirteen years of their marriage consisted of more hard times than good. Early in their relationship my brother and I were born. My mother worked multiple jobs to ensure my brother and I were cared for, despite having no time what so ever, dealing with my father’s problem and working multiple jobs, my mother always found the time to instill values and pay special attention to myself and my brother. This is where my inspiration is derived from, she immersed herself in us boys. We are her purpose and her passion. This for me, defines the essence of being human.

When my older brother and I went through our addictions, my mother could have easily thrown money at us when we asked for it, or let us live in her home till we were in our late twenties. However my mothers beliefs kept her strong though these horrible times. You see my mother believed that by enabling us that she would be hurting us, and though at the time my brother and I were blind to this, we now realize that it saved our lives. I can’t imagine the heartache, the sleepless nights, the emotions of terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair she endured. My heart wrenches just to think of it. With out a doubt, it is the worst pain any mother could go through.

In June of 2008 my older brother entered the doors of Beit T’Shuvah from Los Angeles County Jail. In that simple action a miracle occurred. In the following months my brother, after over a decade of drug abuse, was delivered from a hopeless state of mind, body, and spirit, to a man of passion and purpose. When I came into the loving hands of Beit T’Shuvah in November of 2009, I had no idea that in the proceeding months I too would find the fervor for life that I thought I had forsaken. I realized I was a person of worth, and my life would play a significant role in history. I had discovered my purpose!

On January 24th, 2010, Beit T’Shuvah had its annual gala at the Beverly Hilton. My brother and I were sitting at a table next to each other looking and feeling absolutely superb. Both of us, and how we felt that night, was nothing in comparison when I looked up at the table into the eyes of my mother. The love, pride, and gratitude poured from her heart and filled the air. For that night, the pain, heart ache and suffering we had put her through had left and need not come back, for her children, her little boys that she loves with all her heart were returned to her safe, sober and filled with purpose. I am so grateful for my life.

Jeff Hewitt

Beit T’Shuvah Resident

14 thoughts on “A Mother Worries…….

  1. This is mother speaking. Thank you from the very depths of my soul, my precious son, for that fabulous tribute. It has been a long and rocky road to this very minute but I would not trade one single second, even the tough times, for anything now. Because this moment is made all the sweeter for having taken this path.
    See Rabbi, Harriet and all the Beit staff, see what miracles that have been born at your doors! And to think it all started with an idea, a dream that one woman had to go out and make a difference in this world. Thank you, Harriet. If the definition of a successful life is that the world is a better place for your having been here, then Harriet you are a smashing success! And you Rabbi Mark and you Rabbi Jay and every single one of you all who make up the community of Beit T’Shuvah. And also, thank you to everyone who donates to enable these miracles to keep happening. To all of you I am humbled and so very, very grateful.
    Today we had a wonderful luncheon for my husband’s 50th birthday. My sons were there in every way. They were present, they were fun, they were sober. Thank you G-d for such a beautiful day. With Your good grace we will continue to have such blessed days ahead.
    I am glad I was one of the chosen. And I know that each and every day is a blessing and I know my sons must live each day just one day at a time because we must never forget this disease is so cunning, so baffling and so powerful we must never let our guard down. But today, the victory is so sweet.
    Justin and Jeffrey, you are the true jewels in my crown and Mother Dearest loves you both with all her heart.

  2. Oops, I’d be remiss if I did not mention that during the tough years bringing up my children, I did so with incredible help from my Husband, Dennis, who was a backbone for me during the very darkest times. Oh there were times I thought he was too tough, too mean and too unyielding. It’s hard when it is a blended family and you are a co dependent Mama who wants to see your children stop hurting, oftentimes you feel torn between your children and your husband. Dennis always lead the way during the darkest of times and never bailed out on what often seemed to be a hopeless situation. Today I am glad he stayed the course so he too could see the miracle.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story – it’s so powerful – and as a mother of an addict, I can totally relate to your mother’s emotions.
    Keep up “holding on”

  4. What a bright young man you have become. I am so proud of you my son. You are a ray of light that shines bright into our lives. You bring new hope and joy to our hearts. I always knew it was there.
    Thank you. 1-4-3 forever.
    Your step father.

  5. Modah Ani. Thank you for your inspiring tribute. I am grateful that you are a good friend to my son, Jonathan Schim.

  6. As a mom, I read your words with hope in my heart. One day I hope my son will be guided to the doors of Beit Tshuva…

  7. Helene, Help is only a reach away. Your faith will open many doors for you. Your son too can be saved.

  8. Thank you, I wish with all my heart I could do it for him, but I think he is the one who must reach out. And he isn’t ready… yet.

  9. I understand your pain. And, you are right: he has to be ready. He may have to fall down, hard, before he is willing to accept a helpful hand. Best wishes.

  10. I just re read your post Dennis, and I think you were saying there is help for me by reaching out? You are right. Faith has helped me a great deal, so have people who have been there before me. Thank you. I still hope…

    1. Helene, the absolute hardest part is letting go and letting God. If I had the power to bring the boys to Beit T’Shuvah years before I would have, but that was not God’s plan and not their path. But this I know for sure, they got there at just the right time for them. I am just so grateful each and every single day that so many people were there to help me hang on and that Beit T’Shuvah was there when the right moment came for the boys. Rabbi is right when he says “God enters through the wound.” Because without God’s help I could never, ever have hung on for all the years the boys were out there with the boys fully active in their disease. And I would never have known God as I do had I not been faced with these challenges. I can tell you of many nights on my knees, many times when there was only one set of “footprints in the sand.” God never let us down and always was by our side giving us the grace and the strength to endure. I think this is what my husband was referring to.

      1. April, thank you so much for your words of encouragement and for sharing your experiences with me. I am learning to believe… I’m learning that there is a God… I’m learning that everyone must follow their own path, on their own journey, in their own time… I’m learning also that I don’t have to travel my path alone… Again, thank you,

  11. Heather Haldeman April 4, 2010 — 5:22 pm


    I am proud of you. Stay strong. Your sobriety inspires others.

    Love, your devoted Auntie Heath.

  12. Jeffrey, as I sit in Maui with your mother and get to read your blog, it gives me chills. I am so proud of you, yet more importantly, you are sharing your message to support and save the lives of so many more. Knowing first hand how stories can and do change lives, I look forward to many more insights and lessons coming from you and through you.

    Love your Auntie Patty:)

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